Running Again... Why?

I've been out for two runs since doing the marathon. The first time was easy, and I felt good because my body had begun to heal and my mind was still high from the big effort, but this time (tonight) I had a lot on my mind.

Why am I running?

That was my main thought as I ran down the road. Why am I doing this? And, what am I doing? I'm not training for something right now... but I want to be. I either want to go insane and hit 50 miles in February, or do something light and then really push for Grandma's in June.

I'm already signed up to run Grandma's, and of course my goal is to finish and to BQ (LOFTY!!). But right now... do I take it easy? Focus on speed? Maintaining my fitness? Work on endurance?

It's not so much a question of what is the right thing to do, although that is a big question. I've been buying and reading training books, trying to decide how best to attain my goal in June. No matter what I decide, I will go at it with a will. I have a very strong will. It's what makes me loyal, stubborn, pig headed, and successful.

But for now, the question is, what is the thing that is best for me to do?

Me, personally.

I felt troubled by this on my run today, because I don't know in which direction I should direct my energies.

Running was good for me. It was good for me to have a solid plan with individual steps, leading to an ultimate goal. Lots of good came from it.

Life is more nebulous. You can't make a step-by-step guide for everything. Especially without a well-defined goal.

Narrowing my focus and choosing just one goal has never been my strong suit. I've always been content with being "good enough" at various things. I can knit a sweater. Play a song on a ukulele. Speak other languages passably. I can run certain distances. But none of these things are things I do with expertise or perfection.

Is perfection a good goal?

It felt good to lace up my shoes today. I was even thinking, "Ah, I should get some lighter road shoes since I'll do more road training than trail training in the coming months."

It felt good to run. I ran at a good pace, without pain, and with an open heart. So my mind and body are attuned to this sort of training, or at least, they no longer resist it.

What is the best thing for me to do?
I have chosen myself, I am going to give everything I have to myself. So what is it that I want?

This troubled me today, but the sky was a light blue and the road felt good.