It's not gone so great, this first week.
For one, it's really cold outside. And windy. And icy.
For two, I'm really slow. Slow slow slow. So much slower than I want to be. That's really frustrating. I'm reminding myself that this is the first week, but it's still really frustrating.
But, yesterday and today when I ran, I felt a lot of pain, and that made me happy.
Yesterday my collar and shoulders hurt (and still ache). Today, my calf hurt, and then both my thighs and hips.
I felt that that was a good thing. I'm burning through my body being used to not running, and not doing things. I'm burning through the slowness, the laziness, my preference for sitting around and reading books. I'm building up a fire of running and of motion. I'm reminding my muscles that they are muscles and they are going to work.
I've got 7 more weeks of work ahead of me and I am going to push.
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Trails
I dreamed about trail running last night. I dreamed about hills and grass and dirt and trees.
Some of my favorite runs last year were on trails, and so were some of my most accomplished and triumphant runs. I never felt like I was grinding when I was on a trail, and I know it's obvious and it's what everyone things... I know that now, anyway. It was a surprise to me, the first time I felt the happiness that is running on the dirt.
Still thinking about my run yesterday. My knee is giving me trouble today, and I'm thinking FUCK! Seconds turn into minutes!!
It's an added stress I wasn't quite expecting.
I started this... this whole thing, as my own project, with trial and error being my own responsibility. Now, having done one marathon, I know that if I don't get help, I'm going to have a really hard time. I'm definitely going to need help this time around in order to succeed because... Seconds!! Into MINUTES!!! That's changing everything!
I felt it when I was in the shower after that first speed run. Maybe it's stupid to be worrying about it after the first trial, but if you don't start worrying and wanting to improve right away, when will it happen? This isn't a trial run. Every time I do this, it's for real. It's real effort. Anyway, I was standing there, thinking about it, and about the laps I had just looked at, and I was disappointed and annoyed and freaking out a little bit, but also, I realized that I understood something I had seen once, some passion that I had seen once in someone else, this crazy passion, to the point of (what I thought) was going way too far. But now, I think, If something happened, and I couldn't do this, after all my effort, I would freak out. I would totally lose my cool and tear myself apart.
Effort is real. Effort will never betray you.
I only have that written down in about 20 different places around my room.
Effort will never betray you.
I'm not half-assing this. I'm doing this seriously. I hope I can train, and race, all the way to the end, and still be OK if I don't make it. If something happens, I have to be OK with that but I will not go into this thinking that way. I won't let that be my fall-back plan, that, Oh, it's OK if I fail because that's never going to be a mindset that will get me through to the end.
I wish I was doing more trail races coming up, because all my training is going to be grinding it out on the roads.
Some of my favorite runs last year were on trails, and so were some of my most accomplished and triumphant runs. I never felt like I was grinding when I was on a trail, and I know it's obvious and it's what everyone things... I know that now, anyway. It was a surprise to me, the first time I felt the happiness that is running on the dirt.
Still thinking about my run yesterday. My knee is giving me trouble today, and I'm thinking FUCK! Seconds turn into minutes!!
It's an added stress I wasn't quite expecting.
I started this... this whole thing, as my own project, with trial and error being my own responsibility. Now, having done one marathon, I know that if I don't get help, I'm going to have a really hard time. I'm definitely going to need help this time around in order to succeed because... Seconds!! Into MINUTES!!! That's changing everything!
I felt it when I was in the shower after that first speed run. Maybe it's stupid to be worrying about it after the first trial, but if you don't start worrying and wanting to improve right away, when will it happen? This isn't a trial run. Every time I do this, it's for real. It's real effort. Anyway, I was standing there, thinking about it, and about the laps I had just looked at, and I was disappointed and annoyed and freaking out a little bit, but also, I realized that I understood something I had seen once, some passion that I had seen once in someone else, this crazy passion, to the point of (what I thought) was going way too far. But now, I think, If something happened, and I couldn't do this, after all my effort, I would freak out. I would totally lose my cool and tear myself apart.
Effort is real. Effort will never betray you.
I only have that written down in about 20 different places around my room.
Effort will never betray you.
I'm not half-assing this. I'm doing this seriously. I hope I can train, and race, all the way to the end, and still be OK if I don't make it. If something happens, I have to be OK with that but I will not go into this thinking that way. I won't let that be my fall-back plan, that, Oh, it's OK if I fail because that's never going to be a mindset that will get me through to the end.
I wish I was doing more trail races coming up, because all my training is going to be grinding it out on the roads.
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Training again
I did speed work today...
It was demoralizing...
I couldn't track my time easily as I was doing the intervals, I should have gone to a track but I wanted to work outside in the natural place, where I'd be running eventually.
In any case I did my best, but when I checked my laps later, I was 1-11 seconds off for each speed interval. That comes out to 1-2 MINUTES time when you move to a 5k...
This is really hard :/ I didn't think it would be easy of course, but I'm looking ahead and thinking "can I even manage (this pace) on Thursday?" Can I? I have no idea. I don't think I can. But I'm going to anyway god damn it. Well, I'm going to try at least. And it's going to hurt and I'll probably fail but I'll make the effort, I'll always make the effort every day from now on.
Sunday, December 20, 2015
I'm ready, not ready
Tomorrow I start training again.
I bought some cold-weather trousers.
But I don't feel ready. Not physically, anyway. I don't feel fast anymore, or exactly mentally prepared.
As far as my mind is, however, I feel ready. I'm ready to have a routine again. I'm ready to be reaching for a goal and pushing myself.
Sometimes I wonder and worry about my motivations, because I don't feel that they're pure sometimes. What do I have to prove? Why did I make this choice to run? Is it because of fear? Because of anger? Because of avoidance?
I'm concerned that I want things for the wrong reasons. I want to run, because it eats up time. I want to run, because it distracts me from myself. I want to run, because of other people and not myself. I want to run, because it makes me hate myself less. Those are true reasons, and I don't think they're good reasons.
Avoiding negativity is not a good reason, is it?
I want to run, because I feel good afterward. Sometimes. I want to run, because it will keep me healthy. I want to run, because it gets me outside and into nature. I want to run, because it makes showers and food feel and taste that much better. I want to run, because I want to race, because racing makes me feel happy and high.
I want to run, because I don't want to sit. I want to run, because I'm sick of being stuck in my own head. I want to run, because I'm tired of being angry all the time. I want to run, because I'm tired of being sad all the time. I want to run, because I can control it when I can't control my mind. I want to run, because I look awesome in running clothes. I want to run, because it makes me tired and I feel less guilty about taking a nap. I want to run, because it gives me endurance.
I want to run, because I don't want to die. I want to run because I want to live. I want to run because I want to be like Scott Jurek and Ronda Rousey and Mirna Valerio. I want to run because I want to accomplish stupidly difficult things that require huge amounts of effort and time and in which I am no particular star, for no particular reason. I want to run because I'm lousy at it, and I'm full to the brim of the three D's
Destination
Determination
Deliberation
I'm ready to lace up.
I bought some cold-weather trousers.
But I don't feel ready. Not physically, anyway. I don't feel fast anymore, or exactly mentally prepared.
As far as my mind is, however, I feel ready. I'm ready to have a routine again. I'm ready to be reaching for a goal and pushing myself.
Sometimes I wonder and worry about my motivations, because I don't feel that they're pure sometimes. What do I have to prove? Why did I make this choice to run? Is it because of fear? Because of anger? Because of avoidance?
I'm concerned that I want things for the wrong reasons. I want to run, because it eats up time. I want to run, because it distracts me from myself. I want to run, because of other people and not myself. I want to run, because it makes me hate myself less. Those are true reasons, and I don't think they're good reasons.
Avoiding negativity is not a good reason, is it?
I want to run, because I feel good afterward. Sometimes. I want to run, because it will keep me healthy. I want to run, because it gets me outside and into nature. I want to run, because it makes showers and food feel and taste that much better. I want to run, because I want to race, because racing makes me feel happy and high.
I want to run, because I don't want to sit. I want to run, because I'm sick of being stuck in my own head. I want to run, because I'm tired of being angry all the time. I want to run, because I'm tired of being sad all the time. I want to run, because I can control it when I can't control my mind. I want to run, because I look awesome in running clothes. I want to run, because it makes me tired and I feel less guilty about taking a nap. I want to run, because it gives me endurance.
I want to run, because I don't want to die. I want to run because I want to live. I want to run because I want to be like Scott Jurek and Ronda Rousey and Mirna Valerio. I want to run because I want to accomplish stupidly difficult things that require huge amounts of effort and time and in which I am no particular star, for no particular reason. I want to run because I'm lousy at it, and I'm full to the brim of the three D's
Destination
Determination
Deliberation
I'm ready to lace up.
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Sleep!!
It's the most important thing for my body... After a week of 4 hours here, 6 hours there, I clocked 10 HOURS AND 22 MINUTES last night. I feel so much better, as soon as I woke up I thought "I'm going to go running!" Which is something I haven't even been able to contemplate doing, much less actually DO lately.
Yesterday I went to a sale and bought myself a GPS watch because I knew this day was coming... I just didn't know it was going to come so soon! Right after, in fact! I'm feeling ready now to run again... This week, at least!
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Running Again... Why?
I've been out for two runs since doing the marathon. The first time was easy, and I felt good because my body had begun to heal and my mind was still high from the big effort, but this time (tonight) I had a lot on my mind.
Why am I running?
That was my main thought as I ran down the road. Why am I doing this? And, what am I doing? I'm not training for something right now... but I want to be. I either want to go insane and hit 50 miles in February, or do something light and then really push for Grandma's in June.
I'm already signed up to run Grandma's, and of course my goal is to finish and to BQ (LOFTY!!). But right now... do I take it easy? Focus on speed? Maintaining my fitness? Work on endurance?
It's not so much a question of what is the right thing to do, although that is a big question. I've been buying and reading training books, trying to decide how best to attain my goal in June. No matter what I decide, I will go at it with a will. I have a very strong will. It's what makes me loyal, stubborn, pig headed, and successful.
But for now, the question is, what is the thing that is best for me to do?
Me, personally.
I felt troubled by this on my run today, because I don't know in which direction I should direct my energies.
Running was good for me. It was good for me to have a solid plan with individual steps, leading to an ultimate goal. Lots of good came from it.
Life is more nebulous. You can't make a step-by-step guide for everything. Especially without a well-defined goal.
Narrowing my focus and choosing just one goal has never been my strong suit. I've always been content with being "good enough" at various things. I can knit a sweater. Play a song on a ukulele. Speak other languages passably. I can run certain distances. But none of these things are things I do with expertise or perfection.
Is perfection a good goal?
It felt good to lace up my shoes today. I was even thinking, "Ah, I should get some lighter road shoes since I'll do more road training than trail training in the coming months."
It felt good to run. I ran at a good pace, without pain, and with an open heart. So my mind and body are attuned to this sort of training, or at least, they no longer resist it.
What is the best thing for me to do?
I have chosen myself, I am going to give everything I have to myself. So what is it that I want?
This troubled me today, but the sky was a light blue and the road felt good.
Why am I running?
That was my main thought as I ran down the road. Why am I doing this? And, what am I doing? I'm not training for something right now... but I want to be. I either want to go insane and hit 50 miles in February, or do something light and then really push for Grandma's in June.
I'm already signed up to run Grandma's, and of course my goal is to finish and to BQ (LOFTY!!). But right now... do I take it easy? Focus on speed? Maintaining my fitness? Work on endurance?
It's not so much a question of what is the right thing to do, although that is a big question. I've been buying and reading training books, trying to decide how best to attain my goal in June. No matter what I decide, I will go at it with a will. I have a very strong will. It's what makes me loyal, stubborn, pig headed, and successful.
But for now, the question is, what is the thing that is best for me to do?
Me, personally.
I felt troubled by this on my run today, because I don't know in which direction I should direct my energies.
Running was good for me. It was good for me to have a solid plan with individual steps, leading to an ultimate goal. Lots of good came from it.
Life is more nebulous. You can't make a step-by-step guide for everything. Especially without a well-defined goal.
Narrowing my focus and choosing just one goal has never been my strong suit. I've always been content with being "good enough" at various things. I can knit a sweater. Play a song on a ukulele. Speak other languages passably. I can run certain distances. But none of these things are things I do with expertise or perfection.
Is perfection a good goal?
It felt good to lace up my shoes today. I was even thinking, "Ah, I should get some lighter road shoes since I'll do more road training than trail training in the coming months."
It felt good to run. I ran at a good pace, without pain, and with an open heart. So my mind and body are attuned to this sort of training, or at least, they no longer resist it.
What is the best thing for me to do?
I have chosen myself, I am going to give everything I have to myself. So what is it that I want?
This troubled me today, but the sky was a light blue and the road felt good.
Monday, November 2, 2015
I Ran A Marathon
...So this blog is over now, right?
HAHAHAHA NO, I think you mean I ran the first of many marathons because my life is still quite young. Already for sure I'm going to run Grandma's next June.
Marathon. I ran it.
It was so hard, you guys. Both physically and mentally. Michael and I drove down at 4:30 in the morning, and I spent the whole ride thinking about it, and wondering what the hell I was doing. I mean, I knew what I was doing. But I couldn't quite wrap my mind around it.
Rails to Trails was awesome, because it was so small. Only 122 people ran the marathon, and it was in this dinky little park to start, and there was no tension at the line-up... I had just finished taking my jacket off, and then suddenly they sounded a horn to start, so I just went. That was nice, the tension of a big build-up to the race makes me very nervous, even at a 5K. Here, I just ran. Just like standing at the edge of my driveway, pressing "Go" on my phone, and starting to run. Simple.
It was easy, at first. Well, it was like a normal run for me at first, I should say. I just ran. Comfortably. Trying to keep myself around 8:30 pace, so that I could give myself a bit of a buffer for later. That wasn't hard. It felt good. I ate and drank when it felt right. The first glass of Powerade was like a magical injection of happiness. I could feel it working.
The tunnel was amazing. The tunnel was the best part of the whole race (apart from the end, hahaha). It was a bit over a mile, a dark and creepy limestone railway tunnel with water pouring down the walls and dripping from the ceiling, lit at intervals by lanterns. The atmosphere was magical. It was ice cold, and something happened to me in the tunnel. I just took off. It didn't hurt, it didn't feel wrong, I just went fast. Too fast, probably.
But guess what! The same thing happened on the way back! At mile 14, I started to feel like I was in trouble, even with letting my pace drop to 9:30s. I picked up Michael around mile 16 or so, and we hit the tunnel around mile... 20? I spent those miles begging for death in my head, and begging for the tunnel out loud. As soon as we got inside, my breathing changed (from panic-attack to strong and rhythmic). I got faster. I got focused. Magical tunnel powers. I was a staggering wreck before that, and I was still a wreck after that, but I got my focus back thanks to the magical tunnel. Maybe it was the enclosed space. Maybe it was the narrow focused light at the end. Whatever it was, it changed me. When we exited, I felt like all the wind got sucked out of me again, but I had had a taste of what good running felt like again, and so I could keep going...
This is not to say that it is only because of the magic tunnel that I was able to finish well. Michael was my running hero, and definitely made all the difference between giving up and walking to the end, and pushing through the pain and running anyway. (This is not to say that I didn't walk a wee bit. I did. But never for long). He drove me and fed me and told me to breathe, he encouraged me and gave me water and endless endless endless positivity and good cheer. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for his support and cannot emphasize enough how much he contributed to my success and my growth in running. I'll never ever forget that.
He told me, it's still going to hurt afterwards, but it's a good pain.
I'm in a lot of pain right now, this morning. I was in pain pretty much the entire rest of yesterday too. But it's true. I like it. No matter how much it hurts, I know that every action I'm doing is towards recovery (and not more pain, because I'm not running right now! Haha!).
I like the pain because it reminds me of what I just did. I like it because it makes me feel alive and mobile and appreciative of the things I can do when I'm not in pain. And I like it because it gives me a viable excuse to sit in bed today and work on my NaNoWriMo novel ;)
I may have mentioned this before, but even though 6 months ago I decided that I would train for and run a marathon, after having not run anything for 9 months after doing a 5K at one point... I couldn't conceptualize actually doing it. I could see the little things: run 30 minutes, run 60 minutes, do strides. But I couldn't imagine myself actually doing the big thing I set out to do. And to be honest, that hurt my training overall. I didn't train as hard or as strong as I could, or should, have because I didn't have a grip on what it was I was actually aiming for.
As I was running, I saw my goals slowly drop. Don't walk? Failed. Run under 4 hours? Failed.
With each moment of realizing I wasn't going to do it, I wanted to chew my own arm off. I was left with one goal.
Finish a marathon? That, I am fucking doing.
(Also towards the end, Michael pointed out this girl ahead of me, and told me I was going to pass her. So I did).
When I finished, those other goals didn't seem to matter anymore.
Now, I understand a little better what it is to run a marathon. I will train better, harder, smarter for my next one.
What more can I say at the end?
I ran in 4:08. I had the best support I could have ever asked for. I had a shower and a nap and a weird dream about onions. I felt high as hell and just ran at the mouth for the whole drive back. I got two flavors of gelato. I feel really happy and accomplished and I want to do it again. **
Cheers and thanks for reading!
**obviously, no posts about running for a while. But maybe about other stuff tangental to running :)
HAHAHAHA NO, I think you mean I ran the first of many marathons because my life is still quite young. Already for sure I'm going to run Grandma's next June.
Marathon. I ran it.
It was so hard, you guys. Both physically and mentally. Michael and I drove down at 4:30 in the morning, and I spent the whole ride thinking about it, and wondering what the hell I was doing. I mean, I knew what I was doing. But I couldn't quite wrap my mind around it.
Rails to Trails was awesome, because it was so small. Only 122 people ran the marathon, and it was in this dinky little park to start, and there was no tension at the line-up... I had just finished taking my jacket off, and then suddenly they sounded a horn to start, so I just went. That was nice, the tension of a big build-up to the race makes me very nervous, even at a 5K. Here, I just ran. Just like standing at the edge of my driveway, pressing "Go" on my phone, and starting to run. Simple.
It was easy, at first. Well, it was like a normal run for me at first, I should say. I just ran. Comfortably. Trying to keep myself around 8:30 pace, so that I could give myself a bit of a buffer for later. That wasn't hard. It felt good. I ate and drank when it felt right. The first glass of Powerade was like a magical injection of happiness. I could feel it working.
The tunnel was amazing. The tunnel was the best part of the whole race (apart from the end, hahaha). It was a bit over a mile, a dark and creepy limestone railway tunnel with water pouring down the walls and dripping from the ceiling, lit at intervals by lanterns. The atmosphere was magical. It was ice cold, and something happened to me in the tunnel. I just took off. It didn't hurt, it didn't feel wrong, I just went fast. Too fast, probably.
But guess what! The same thing happened on the way back! At mile 14, I started to feel like I was in trouble, even with letting my pace drop to 9:30s. I picked up Michael around mile 16 or so, and we hit the tunnel around mile... 20? I spent those miles begging for death in my head, and begging for the tunnel out loud. As soon as we got inside, my breathing changed (from panic-attack to strong and rhythmic). I got faster. I got focused. Magical tunnel powers. I was a staggering wreck before that, and I was still a wreck after that, but I got my focus back thanks to the magical tunnel. Maybe it was the enclosed space. Maybe it was the narrow focused light at the end. Whatever it was, it changed me. When we exited, I felt like all the wind got sucked out of me again, but I had had a taste of what good running felt like again, and so I could keep going...
This is not to say that it is only because of the magic tunnel that I was able to finish well. Michael was my running hero, and definitely made all the difference between giving up and walking to the end, and pushing through the pain and running anyway. (This is not to say that I didn't walk a wee bit. I did. But never for long). He drove me and fed me and told me to breathe, he encouraged me and gave me water and endless endless endless positivity and good cheer. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for his support and cannot emphasize enough how much he contributed to my success and my growth in running. I'll never ever forget that.
He told me, it's still going to hurt afterwards, but it's a good pain.
I'm in a lot of pain right now, this morning. I was in pain pretty much the entire rest of yesterday too. But it's true. I like it. No matter how much it hurts, I know that every action I'm doing is towards recovery (and not more pain, because I'm not running right now! Haha!).
I like the pain because it reminds me of what I just did. I like it because it makes me feel alive and mobile and appreciative of the things I can do when I'm not in pain. And I like it because it gives me a viable excuse to sit in bed today and work on my NaNoWriMo novel ;)
I may have mentioned this before, but even though 6 months ago I decided that I would train for and run a marathon, after having not run anything for 9 months after doing a 5K at one point... I couldn't conceptualize actually doing it. I could see the little things: run 30 minutes, run 60 minutes, do strides. But I couldn't imagine myself actually doing the big thing I set out to do. And to be honest, that hurt my training overall. I didn't train as hard or as strong as I could, or should, have because I didn't have a grip on what it was I was actually aiming for.
As I was running, I saw my goals slowly drop. Don't walk? Failed. Run under 4 hours? Failed.
With each moment of realizing I wasn't going to do it, I wanted to chew my own arm off. I was left with one goal.
Finish a marathon? That, I am fucking doing.
(Also towards the end, Michael pointed out this girl ahead of me, and told me I was going to pass her. So I did).
When I finished, those other goals didn't seem to matter anymore.
Now, I understand a little better what it is to run a marathon. I will train better, harder, smarter for my next one.
What more can I say at the end?
I ran in 4:08. I had the best support I could have ever asked for. I had a shower and a nap and a weird dream about onions. I felt high as hell and just ran at the mouth for the whole drive back. I got two flavors of gelato. I feel really happy and accomplished and I want to do it again. **
Cheers and thanks for reading!
**obviously, no posts about running for a while. But maybe about other stuff tangental to running :)
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Tapering
I don't want to blog about only milestones...
Here is the crappiest part I've encountered so far: the part where you DON'T get to run.
I know. WHAT?
You'd think it'd be a relief not to have to do my super-long run on Sundays now. Actually, I wasn't supposed to run last Sunday, and I went out and did it anyway. But today I won't, because last night my friend looked me dead in the eye and said "TAPER!", to which I said "Fine, fine, alright already!"
Then he asked me if I was excited about my race in 1 week.
No... I'm not excited. What is excited? Is it looking forward? Is it wanting to do something eagerly? I don't feel these things... I'm going to turn up in the morning of the race feeling anxious and cold, probably. I'm not sure how I feel about it, really. I haven't been thinking about the actual race too much, except when I'm out on the trails, running hills, thinking "Ah, the elevation, it won't be like this, it'll be different", and wondering about how fast I'm going to be able to go. I want to go fast, no lie.
Then he asked me about my race plan.
What race plan?
No, shut up, I know about race plans. Sort of. My plan is to run the race. And eat and drink stuff along the way...? That's... I just can't focus on that kind of information. I don't understand it. I mean... I ate some gummies on my longer runs lately, and I also tried a Stinger waffle, and the difference was, I hated the waffle because it was dense and gross. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely feel the difference between having nothing, and having my small snack and handheld water bottle along with me. But having a plan to eat this at that time, or do certain things... it doesn't register with me.
I'm just... urgh. I'm happy that someone is coming along to support me on this, but also, my traditional method of operation is to go out with both feet and just let me fuck this up on my own terms already.
Is this what it is to have friends? So inconvenient.
(I jest. I'm grateful for the support of friends. I'm just not used to it, and it makes me crabby and anxious to rely on other people when I'm fucking up).
(I'm trying to get used to community and support. I signed up for a local run club... and then got work scheduled for every night that they meet. WHY).
Anyway. Tapering.
My legs are achey so I am glad not to be running today. Actually my whole body feels like hell, I'm not been doing well lately. I ate my breakfast, and I'm going to do some workouts from darebee.com... I think I found them on Tumblr? Someone told me recently about November Project, which although it sounds awesome, it also sounds like everything that I hate (sweating in the freezing-ass cold, group hugs, huge masses of people, shouting)... I'm tempted to try it once anyway, just to see. From what I see on Darebee, you can hit the same levels by ramping up how much you do. The only trick is that you have to motivate yourself instead of relying on a group. I've got the Chase workout and the Imperator Furiosa workout printed out.
Anyway. Gosh. The time flew by from writing.
Thanks for reading
Here is the crappiest part I've encountered so far: the part where you DON'T get to run.
I know. WHAT?
You'd think it'd be a relief not to have to do my super-long run on Sundays now. Actually, I wasn't supposed to run last Sunday, and I went out and did it anyway. But today I won't, because last night my friend looked me dead in the eye and said "TAPER!", to which I said "Fine, fine, alright already!"
Then he asked me if I was excited about my race in 1 week.
No... I'm not excited. What is excited? Is it looking forward? Is it wanting to do something eagerly? I don't feel these things... I'm going to turn up in the morning of the race feeling anxious and cold, probably. I'm not sure how I feel about it, really. I haven't been thinking about the actual race too much, except when I'm out on the trails, running hills, thinking "Ah, the elevation, it won't be like this, it'll be different", and wondering about how fast I'm going to be able to go. I want to go fast, no lie.
Then he asked me about my race plan.
What race plan?
No, shut up, I know about race plans. Sort of. My plan is to run the race. And eat and drink stuff along the way...? That's... I just can't focus on that kind of information. I don't understand it. I mean... I ate some gummies on my longer runs lately, and I also tried a Stinger waffle, and the difference was, I hated the waffle because it was dense and gross. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely feel the difference between having nothing, and having my small snack and handheld water bottle along with me. But having a plan to eat this at that time, or do certain things... it doesn't register with me.
I'm just... urgh. I'm happy that someone is coming along to support me on this, but also, my traditional method of operation is to go out with both feet and just let me fuck this up on my own terms already.
Is this what it is to have friends? So inconvenient.
(I jest. I'm grateful for the support of friends. I'm just not used to it, and it makes me crabby and anxious to rely on other people when I'm fucking up).
(I'm trying to get used to community and support. I signed up for a local run club... and then got work scheduled for every night that they meet. WHY).
Anyway. Tapering.
My legs are achey so I am glad not to be running today. Actually my whole body feels like hell, I'm not been doing well lately. I ate my breakfast, and I'm going to do some workouts from darebee.com... I think I found them on Tumblr? Someone told me recently about November Project, which although it sounds awesome, it also sounds like everything that I hate (sweating in the freezing-ass cold, group hugs, huge masses of people, shouting)... I'm tempted to try it once anyway, just to see. From what I see on Darebee, you can hit the same levels by ramping up how much you do. The only trick is that you have to motivate yourself instead of relying on a group. I've got the Chase workout and the Imperator Furiosa workout printed out.
Anyway. Gosh. The time flew by from writing.
Thanks for reading
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Week Whatever
I left my schedule at home (I'm away from home this week) so I don't know exactly which week it is, but I do know I need to do a 20 minute controlled run, and then 10X100m strides... Or was it 200m?
Anyway, hey! It's been a rocky couple months on the old running front. I had to adjust to a LOT: trail running, running without headphones, running for HOURS rather than minutes, all balanced with work and job hunting and travel and friends and all the various ups and downs that come with having a personal life.
I'd like to pretend that I'm blogging now as some sort of significant update, but actually, it's REALLY cold outside and I don't want to go out and run quite yet. I spent the past 40 minutes googling stuff about ultra running, and running plans, and looking at ways to push harder (which is pretty silly when you're doing it as a distraction to keep yourself from actually going out and PUSHING... but as I said, it's cold today).
The half marathon was a few weeks ago, and man it was tough. The trail was beautiful, but the hills were not "rolling", as advertised... they were steep! Additionally, I was feeling really alone and lonely, and struggled mentally for a good portion of the race. Luckily I met a friend who ran with me for a bit, and she helped me not curse myself out for struggling.
My official time was 2:14:52, for 12.4 miles. Not scruffy, but not my dream either.
So that was that.
Next up is the marathon on November 1. I'm concerned, but not freaking out. Mainly my problems right now are where to sleep (hotels are very expensive, and I'm rubbish at camping) and what to wear. I think I might be able to make a bed in the back of my car? I'm still having a ponder about that, but I could practice in my driveway at least. And what to wear... well clothes, obviously. Probably the same stuff I've been training in.
Although I write this from a couch (in full running kit, with only thoughts of tonight's dinner in my head), I'm thinking about running... an ultra marathon. Or two.
My brain looks at a 50K or a 55K and thinks, "What's 4-8 more miles?"
There's one that happens almost literally in my backyard about midway through the year. And there's one in Utah on Valentine's Day, and another in CA in March that both are rated a bit "easier" ...
All my friends who I talked to have been running for years, and train hard. I'm impatient to get my time in, to be stronger and faster. I want to push myself and have repeated goals. Have I mentioned lately that I don't even like running all that much? But looking forward to challenges is addicting. And I've only been doing it for these past 5 months.
Good grief it's nearly 5 pm. I should get out and run... the hell am I doing, talking like this!!
Anyway, hey! It's been a rocky couple months on the old running front. I had to adjust to a LOT: trail running, running without headphones, running for HOURS rather than minutes, all balanced with work and job hunting and travel and friends and all the various ups and downs that come with having a personal life.
I'd like to pretend that I'm blogging now as some sort of significant update, but actually, it's REALLY cold outside and I don't want to go out and run quite yet. I spent the past 40 minutes googling stuff about ultra running, and running plans, and looking at ways to push harder (which is pretty silly when you're doing it as a distraction to keep yourself from actually going out and PUSHING... but as I said, it's cold today).
The half marathon was a few weeks ago, and man it was tough. The trail was beautiful, but the hills were not "rolling", as advertised... they were steep! Additionally, I was feeling really alone and lonely, and struggled mentally for a good portion of the race. Luckily I met a friend who ran with me for a bit, and she helped me not curse myself out for struggling.
My official time was 2:14:52, for 12.4 miles. Not scruffy, but not my dream either.
So that was that.
Next up is the marathon on November 1. I'm concerned, but not freaking out. Mainly my problems right now are where to sleep (hotels are very expensive, and I'm rubbish at camping) and what to wear. I think I might be able to make a bed in the back of my car? I'm still having a ponder about that, but I could practice in my driveway at least. And what to wear... well clothes, obviously. Probably the same stuff I've been training in.
Although I write this from a couch (in full running kit, with only thoughts of tonight's dinner in my head), I'm thinking about running... an ultra marathon. Or two.
My brain looks at a 50K or a 55K and thinks, "What's 4-8 more miles?"
There's one that happens almost literally in my backyard about midway through the year. And there's one in Utah on Valentine's Day, and another in CA in March that both are rated a bit "easier" ...
All my friends who I talked to have been running for years, and train hard. I'm impatient to get my time in, to be stronger and faster. I want to push myself and have repeated goals. Have I mentioned lately that I don't even like running all that much? But looking forward to challenges is addicting. And I've only been doing it for these past 5 months.
Good grief it's nearly 5 pm. I should get out and run... the hell am I doing, talking like this!!
Thursday, July 23, 2015
5K Results
Ahh,,, it's been a while! (again)
I'll shut up about that
Anyway, the other night was the Torchlight 5K in Minneapolis. I ran with folks from the cities, from Duluth, from all around...
Hey... that's pretty cool, I think...
I beat my time from last year! 2:36 faster time!! I was so happy when I saw it, but to be honest, even at the end I wondered if i could have pushed a little more... run a little faster...
...That's the kind of question that troubles me.
Last year, and the year before, I struggled on the bridge, and it was only when saw the park in view that I really sped up, and sprinted to the finish. This year, as soon as I hit the bridge, I began to fly. I saw the girl that I had chased the whole way (I picked her because she was just a touch faster than me, and she had a bright shirt so she was easy to spot, ha!), she had pulled ahead, but I ran her down and passed her. I ran hard all the way across the bridge and to the finish.
It doesn't matter now I suppose because the race is over and it's useless to worry about things like that.
Mainly, my concern is that I'm stronger than I was last year. I'm training for distance, not speed, and so I'm really pleased with my progress and my result.
I'll probably never become part of a group because that dynamic has always been a challenge for me, and this is not the time for me to overcome that social challenge... just the physical one!
I'm registered for the half and full marathon I want to run.
Nothing can stop me now
I'll shut up about that
Anyway, the other night was the Torchlight 5K in Minneapolis. I ran with folks from the cities, from Duluth, from all around...
Hey... that's pretty cool, I think...
I beat my time from last year! 2:36 faster time!! I was so happy when I saw it, but to be honest, even at the end I wondered if i could have pushed a little more... run a little faster...
...That's the kind of question that troubles me.
Last year, and the year before, I struggled on the bridge, and it was only when saw the park in view that I really sped up, and sprinted to the finish. This year, as soon as I hit the bridge, I began to fly. I saw the girl that I had chased the whole way (I picked her because she was just a touch faster than me, and she had a bright shirt so she was easy to spot, ha!), she had pulled ahead, but I ran her down and passed her. I ran hard all the way across the bridge and to the finish.
It doesn't matter now I suppose because the race is over and it's useless to worry about things like that.
Mainly, my concern is that I'm stronger than I was last year. I'm training for distance, not speed, and so I'm really pleased with my progress and my result.
I'll probably never become part of a group because that dynamic has always been a challenge for me, and this is not the time for me to overcome that social challenge... just the physical one!
I'm registered for the half and full marathon I want to run.
Nothing can stop me now
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Week 7 - The Change
It has happened, internet. Just because I wasn't writing, didn't mean I wasn't running.
Oh how I ran. For 6 weeks, I ran.
And then week 7 arrived, and with it, the challenge.
My long run jumped from 50 minutes max, to 70 minutes. In another 3 weeks, it'll be at 90 minutes. With pick-ups spread out over the last hour. My "easy" runs now conclude with speed training. I've started putting a water bottle in my newspaper box and timing my runs so that I swing by the house every 30 minutes or so.
I bought a container of protein powder and started putting it in my smoothies. I'M DRINKING EFFING SMOOTHIES.
But my body is changing. And my mind is changing. Week 7 hit at exactly the same time as a major shift in my personal life -- a positive shift, which undid a lot of self-inflicted damage. I feel more physically capable. More mentally open and accepting. I'm reaching out for more challengers and changes.
Oh and my legs hurt like a sonnafabitch
Oh how I ran. For 6 weeks, I ran.
And then week 7 arrived, and with it, the challenge.
My long run jumped from 50 minutes max, to 70 minutes. In another 3 weeks, it'll be at 90 minutes. With pick-ups spread out over the last hour. My "easy" runs now conclude with speed training. I've started putting a water bottle in my newspaper box and timing my runs so that I swing by the house every 30 minutes or so.
I bought a container of protein powder and started putting it in my smoothies. I'M DRINKING EFFING SMOOTHIES.
But my body is changing. And my mind is changing. Week 7 hit at exactly the same time as a major shift in my personal life -- a positive shift, which undid a lot of self-inflicted damage. I feel more physically capable. More mentally open and accepting. I'm reaching out for more challengers and changes.
Oh and my legs hurt like a sonnafabitch
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Week 4 - Week 2 & 3 roundup
PHEW OK so evidently it's quite easy to just... run so fast you forget to blog?
I'm at the beginning of Week 4 right now, and it's getting slowly better and better. A friend of mine in Canada just posted on Facebook that 50 minutes used to be her long run, and now it's her short run. Another friend in Alaska just ran/swam/cycled an Ironman. Two folks I know around here just ran a 50K!! How cool is that? My friends are my inspiration.
Strava's Week 2 stats:
14.6 miles in 2h 34m
Strava's Week 3 stats:
11.6 miles in 1h 54m
I'm pretty excited about this... I love scrolling through my feed, because my pace started at 12:00/mi, and it's been creeping down into the 11:00s, and then into the 10:00s and 9:00s (best run so far was at a 9:32 pace)
That's pretty great...
I moved house again, so now my course is around the block, which is just under 5 miles. I can go one way and face mostly downhill, or go the opposite way and face mostly uphill. For long runs I go uphill, and for shorter ones I go downhill... the reason being that the end of the downhill path is shaded, so as I walk through my warmdown, I'm not being blasted by the sun.
Another thing that happened is, I got a Fitbit ChargeHR!
I am so over the moon about it!! I've been using the app in tandem with Strava to track my runs, and to watch my heart rate while I'm running. The data is soooooo much fun to track and it's incredibly gratifying to see numbers increase (or drop).
I'm at the beginning of Week 4 right now, and it's getting slowly better and better. A friend of mine in Canada just posted on Facebook that 50 minutes used to be her long run, and now it's her short run. Another friend in Alaska just ran/swam/cycled an Ironman. Two folks I know around here just ran a 50K!! How cool is that? My friends are my inspiration.
Strava's Week 2 stats:
14.6 miles in 2h 34m
Strava's Week 3 stats:
11.6 miles in 1h 54m
I'm pretty excited about this... I love scrolling through my feed, because my pace started at 12:00/mi, and it's been creeping down into the 11:00s, and then into the 10:00s and 9:00s (best run so far was at a 9:32 pace)
That's pretty great...
I moved house again, so now my course is around the block, which is just under 5 miles. I can go one way and face mostly downhill, or go the opposite way and face mostly uphill. For long runs I go uphill, and for shorter ones I go downhill... the reason being that the end of the downhill path is shaded, so as I walk through my warmdown, I'm not being blasted by the sun.
Another thing that happened is, I got a Fitbit ChargeHR!
I am so over the moon about it!! I've been using the app in tandem with Strava to track my runs, and to watch my heart rate while I'm running. The data is soooooo much fun to track and it's incredibly gratifying to see numbers increase (or drop).
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Week 2 - Round Up of Week 1
So Strava apparently counts weeks as beginning on Monday, but my running plan begins on Sunday, which is stupid that you can't change one or the other. But what the hey hey hey, I'll just use Strava numbers since I can't be assed to fiddle the math and a week is a week is a week in the end I suppose.
Last week, I ran a total of 12.2 miles, in 2 hours and 17 minutes.
So if I can maintain that pace sort of consecutively, that's roundabout my half marathon pace? I think? Is that how it works?
So far this week I've run 6.8 miles in 1 hour 12 minutes, which is pretty cheerful for being 2 runs in.
I ran on hills again tonight and it was RUBBISH RUBBISH RUBBISH but slightly less awful than this morning. Perhaps because the sun was going down. Perhaps because I climbed loads of stairs today.
Last week, I ran a total of 12.2 miles, in 2 hours and 17 minutes.
So if I can maintain that pace sort of consecutively, that's roundabout my half marathon pace? I think? Is that how it works?
So far this week I've run 6.8 miles in 1 hour 12 minutes, which is pretty cheerful for being 2 runs in.
I ran on hills again tonight and it was RUBBISH RUBBISH RUBBISH but slightly less awful than this morning. Perhaps because the sun was going down. Perhaps because I climbed loads of stairs today.
Week 2 - Treadmills suck
Yesterday was a CRUNCH -- right after work I thought I could run, but then I realized I didn't just have class at night, I also had a graduation rehearsal right before, so I had to haul ass home to change and then rush into the city.
Ok, I thought, this is not a total loss. I can run on the treadmill at my temporary house tonight.
No. No treadmill. Treadmills are horrible. It was the worst running ever -- boring, to start, and weirdly painful on my legs. I quit after 6 minutes. So pathetic!! And then it was 10 pm and I didn't want to run in the countryside in the dark, because I don't have any lights, and also, coyotes.
So today I went out to run in the morning, my 40 minutes. I stayed in the local area because it has hills, and I think there are hills in the half marathon I want to do, so yeah, hills.
Hills are horrible. Almost as horrible as treadmills.
And I have to run some more tonight, because there is 30 minutes of running on my docket for today in addition to doing yesterday's run, and also 30 minutes of cross-training. I cross-train on a stationary bicycle, because it is less awful than the treadmill, and it's a very quiet machine so I can watch Criminal Minds while I'm working out.
Today I started to use music instead of podcasts because I need that beat (ahahaha). Here's the current running lineup:
Andy Grammar - Honey I'm Good (I kind of hate this song? But I want to make a dance to it because it's so quick and catchy)
V.I.C. - Wobble
Taylor Swift - Shake It Off
Matt and Kim - Get It
Lilly Wood and the Prick - Prayer In C
Dave Basset - Ex's & Oh's
Doomtree - Gray Duck
Odesza - Say My Name
Mary Lambert - Secrets
Iggy Azalea - Black Widow
Jennifer Lawrence - The Hanging Tree (Pop Edit)
Milky Change - Stolen Dance
All that is 46 minutes, which is my max-ish time for now. I'll pop something else on there to round up to 50. Something quick and poppy.
Ok, I thought, this is not a total loss. I can run on the treadmill at my temporary house tonight.
No. No treadmill. Treadmills are horrible. It was the worst running ever -- boring, to start, and weirdly painful on my legs. I quit after 6 minutes. So pathetic!! And then it was 10 pm and I didn't want to run in the countryside in the dark, because I don't have any lights, and also, coyotes.
So today I went out to run in the morning, my 40 minutes. I stayed in the local area because it has hills, and I think there are hills in the half marathon I want to do, so yeah, hills.
Hills are horrible. Almost as horrible as treadmills.
And I have to run some more tonight, because there is 30 minutes of running on my docket for today in addition to doing yesterday's run, and also 30 minutes of cross-training. I cross-train on a stationary bicycle, because it is less awful than the treadmill, and it's a very quiet machine so I can watch Criminal Minds while I'm working out.
Today I started to use music instead of podcasts because I need that beat (ahahaha). Here's the current running lineup:
Andy Grammar - Honey I'm Good (I kind of hate this song? But I want to make a dance to it because it's so quick and catchy)
V.I.C. - Wobble
Taylor Swift - Shake It Off
Matt and Kim - Get It
Lilly Wood and the Prick - Prayer In C
Dave Basset - Ex's & Oh's
Doomtree - Gray Duck
Odesza - Say My Name
Mary Lambert - Secrets
Iggy Azalea - Black Widow
Jennifer Lawrence - The Hanging Tree (Pop Edit)
Milky Change - Stolen Dance
All that is 46 minutes, which is my max-ish time for now. I'll pop something else on there to round up to 50. Something quick and poppy.
Monday, May 11, 2015
Week 2 - The Long Run
I went out in neighborhoods today, making big loops so that I would always be forced to run a long distance... not leaving myself the option of turning around easily and going home. I was thirsty the entire time.
I ran 4.4 miles at a pace of 11:16. It took me 49 minutes, and yes, I walked bits of it, because I was so tired and thirsty.
The thing was, I realized partway through that although it was difficult and I hated it, it wasn't getting more difficult. With each step, I experienced the same discomfort and the same level of "Nooooooooo". So technically, it wasn't hard, it was just unusual to my body and to my level of stamina (which needs work). So I forced myself to keep going.
Sure it will get easier if you stop, but you did that last step, so you can do the next step too.
I looked at some running clubs on meetup.com and thought more about what I'm doing.
I ran 4.4 miles at a pace of 11:16. It took me 49 minutes, and yes, I walked bits of it, because I was so tired and thirsty.
The thing was, I realized partway through that although it was difficult and I hated it, it wasn't getting more difficult. With each step, I experienced the same discomfort and the same level of "Nooooooooo". So technically, it wasn't hard, it was just unusual to my body and to my level of stamina (which needs work). So I forced myself to keep going.
Sure it will get easier if you stop, but you did that last step, so you can do the next step too.
I looked at some running clubs on meetup.com and thought more about what I'm doing.
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Week 1 - A bit of Despair
The first week is over, the second week begins today.
I have a twinge in my brain that is thinking I have bitten off more than I can chew.
"You don't have to do this," I have reminded myself. "You don't have to run. You could do other things, and no one would ever know. You could spend your free time reading, or doing art, or developing your skills -- the skills you actually have. And enjoy."
Running is a skill I definitely do not have.
This is fucking difficult for me. I'm already torn between "I hate this and I suck at it so why am I insisting on torturing myself with it" and "I want to be fast and strong and finish this challenge".
I remember once, some girls and I were talking to a woman we knew who was a good runner. We were all just about to shuffle through a 5K, but this woman was going to run it and run it really fast.
She told us that when she started running, she hated it, and had to force herself to do it every time. And every time she did it, it sucked and she hated it. Until one day she didn't hate it (months and months and months later) and now running 10 miles is like taking a tiny walk for her, or whatever.
We all agreed, as she jogged off to the fast-people starting position, that she was bonkers. Why would you do that, if you hated it?
Why am I doing this, if I hate it? It's not for the adrenaline rush, because I'm not getting that.
I think...
If I didn't have to go out and run today, I would spend all morning on tumblr before work. I wouldn't work on my projects for school, I wouldn't do much productive. I would snack the whole time (I'm kind of shit at this Whole 30 thing too)
If I don't force myself, I won't do anything.
I have a twinge in my brain that is thinking I have bitten off more than I can chew.
"You don't have to do this," I have reminded myself. "You don't have to run. You could do other things, and no one would ever know. You could spend your free time reading, or doing art, or developing your skills -- the skills you actually have. And enjoy."
Running is a skill I definitely do not have.
This is fucking difficult for me. I'm already torn between "I hate this and I suck at it so why am I insisting on torturing myself with it" and "I want to be fast and strong and finish this challenge".
I remember once, some girls and I were talking to a woman we knew who was a good runner. We were all just about to shuffle through a 5K, but this woman was going to run it and run it really fast.
She told us that when she started running, she hated it, and had to force herself to do it every time. And every time she did it, it sucked and she hated it. Until one day she didn't hate it (months and months and months later) and now running 10 miles is like taking a tiny walk for her, or whatever.
We all agreed, as she jogged off to the fast-people starting position, that she was bonkers. Why would you do that, if you hated it?
Why am I doing this, if I hate it? It's not for the adrenaline rush, because I'm not getting that.
I think...
If I didn't have to go out and run today, I would spend all morning on tumblr before work. I wouldn't work on my projects for school, I wouldn't do much productive. I would snack the whole time (I'm kind of shit at this Whole 30 thing too)
If I don't force myself, I won't do anything.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Week 1 - Changing attitudes
I was pretty happy to wake up today -- my third day of running -- at 7, and think to myself about how I could get my run in before I went to my internship, and meeting, and other stuff that's going on today.
I updated my running app to miles, and here's how it's shaking out:
Sunday: 40 minute run, at 12 min/mile
Tuesday: 33 minute run, at 11:22 min/mile
Wednesday: 26 minute run, at 10:48 min/mile
All things being equal, I would puff myself up about those numbers, but the sorry fact is, I keep crapping out before I hit my goal. I was supposed to run for 35 minutes on Tuesday, and 30 minutes today. I still have 30 minutes of cross-training yet to do today (Thanks, Jillian Michaels!) and I'd like to pretend that that makes up for being 4 minutes of running short, but it doesn't.
Every time I run, I find a pain in a new place on my legs. My lower back hurts every time, unless I adjust my posture to some weird sort of 19th century lady who was a board strapped to her back. So far, I've just powered through those feelings in my back ankle and behind my knee, and they've gone away. Is that the right way to deal with these things? Are those cramps? How do you tell when a pain is a bad pain versus just a pain?
Overall, I'm not feeling as murderous (or as murdered) by this running malarky as I expected. It's going to be a solid 6 weeks of this first leg of the schedule, so I have plenty of time to grow to hate it, I suppose.
Still, it's definitely an improvement in my overall condition and approach to life that when faced with something I don't necessarily want to do, I recognize that it's important to me, and that it contributes to my overall goal, and that completing that one action doesn't have to be as onerous as I'm maybe used to thinking. As I've been winding down (slogging through) my last semesters of school, I've found it hard to get direction and focus in my life... identifying goals became wistful dreaming, and nothing ever seemed to be accomplished long-term.
This running project isn't the first time I've set a goal like this, and it's not the first running goal I've had either. But it's the first time to go with a really solid plan, and to do it totally solo. Sometimes they say that you should share your goal with as many people as possible, so that people hold you accountable for it, but often, I find that they more I share and talk about stuff, the less time I spend actually doing it. That's me, you gotta find what works for you in the end.
Last November was the first time I completed NaNoWriMo. Last March was the first time I completed a 30-day workout regime without slacking or skipping. Right now I'm doing the Whole30 for the first time and I'm on day 10 AND I'M NOT QUITTING OR CHEATING even though I want a pizza like crazy. God DAMN I want a pizza.
But I won't eat the pizza, because I decided not to. And I will keep running, because I decided I would.
My choice makes all the power for me.
I updated my running app to miles, and here's how it's shaking out:
Sunday: 40 minute run, at 12 min/mile
Tuesday: 33 minute run, at 11:22 min/mile
Wednesday: 26 minute run, at 10:48 min/mile
All things being equal, I would puff myself up about those numbers, but the sorry fact is, I keep crapping out before I hit my goal. I was supposed to run for 35 minutes on Tuesday, and 30 minutes today. I still have 30 minutes of cross-training yet to do today (Thanks, Jillian Michaels!) and I'd like to pretend that that makes up for being 4 minutes of running short, but it doesn't.
Every time I run, I find a pain in a new place on my legs. My lower back hurts every time, unless I adjust my posture to some weird sort of 19th century lady who was a board strapped to her back. So far, I've just powered through those feelings in my back ankle and behind my knee, and they've gone away. Is that the right way to deal with these things? Are those cramps? How do you tell when a pain is a bad pain versus just a pain?
Overall, I'm not feeling as murderous (or as murdered) by this running malarky as I expected. It's going to be a solid 6 weeks of this first leg of the schedule, so I have plenty of time to grow to hate it, I suppose.
Still, it's definitely an improvement in my overall condition and approach to life that when faced with something I don't necessarily want to do, I recognize that it's important to me, and that it contributes to my overall goal, and that completing that one action doesn't have to be as onerous as I'm maybe used to thinking. As I've been winding down (slogging through) my last semesters of school, I've found it hard to get direction and focus in my life... identifying goals became wistful dreaming, and nothing ever seemed to be accomplished long-term.
This running project isn't the first time I've set a goal like this, and it's not the first running goal I've had either. But it's the first time to go with a really solid plan, and to do it totally solo. Sometimes they say that you should share your goal with as many people as possible, so that people hold you accountable for it, but often, I find that they more I share and talk about stuff, the less time I spend actually doing it. That's me, you gotta find what works for you in the end.
Last November was the first time I completed NaNoWriMo. Last March was the first time I completed a 30-day workout regime without slacking or skipping. Right now I'm doing the Whole30 for the first time and I'm on day 10 AND I'M NOT QUITTING OR CHEATING even though I want a pizza like crazy. God DAMN I want a pizza.
But I won't eat the pizza, because I decided not to. And I will keep running, because I decided I would.
My choice makes all the power for me.
Monday, May 4, 2015
Week 1 - A Bad Start
I wrote those posts the other day all full of vim and vigor, having done a morning workout and taken a shower and eaten a huge breakfast. I had plans for my day before work, folks.
Then I looked at my calendar and realized that my running week starts on Sunday. My work week starts on Monday, so of course I had cocked it all up.... and had to skip my plans, lace up my shoes, and run in the damn heat of Sunday mid-morning. I got a sun burn on my face and my pores look awful.
Oh, and the run? Yes the run. I ran for 40 minutes, and I covered 5.4 kilometers, which is 7:28 minutes per kilometer BECAUSE MY RUNNING APP THING IS SET FOR KILOMETERS FOR SOME REASON OKAY???
It's a terrible pace. My only excuse is having not been running for the past 9 months. That's not really an excuse.
And my sunburn! Ugh!
Today I had off, which was nice. Tomorrow I'm to run 35-40 minutes. Somewhere. Between work and school. Bah!
Then I looked at my calendar and realized that my running week starts on Sunday. My work week starts on Monday, so of course I had cocked it all up.... and had to skip my plans, lace up my shoes, and run in the damn heat of Sunday mid-morning. I got a sun burn on my face and my pores look awful.
Oh, and the run? Yes the run. I ran for 40 minutes, and I covered 5.4 kilometers, which is 7:28 minutes per kilometer BECAUSE MY RUNNING APP THING IS SET FOR KILOMETERS FOR SOME REASON OKAY???
It's a terrible pace. My only excuse is having not been running for the past 9 months. That's not really an excuse.
And my sunburn! Ugh!
Today I had off, which was nice. Tomorrow I'm to run 35-40 minutes. Somewhere. Between work and school. Bah!
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Stuff I hate, & getting over it
I know you're not supposed to hate things, because it's negative energy abounding, and I actually do embrace all that positivity stuff, but this is the real world, and sometimes you have to just overcome stuff that sucks... so let's just say this is the post about stuff that I'm super not into.
In the first post, I told you I didn't even really like running that much. It's the truth. I don't. I hate being hot, and sweating, and I hate being tired and feeling burned out. I hate the pain in my side, and the burning in my lungs. I don't live for that shit. That shit is not fun for me.
I was just looking at my schedule for tomorrow, and I realized I'll have to make a choice. Either I run after work, at around 2:30, when it is supposed to be quite a warm day. And I don't have a route with an abundance of shade.
Or, I get up at 4 am to run before work. After working until 10 pm the night before.
I hate the sun and I hate the heat.
I hate being tired and burned-out.
I haven't yet decided which one I'll pick, but I realized that the choice has to come between two things I hate.... or, it can come between two different physical challenges. I have to choose what I'm going to overcome, and what I think I can handle. I choose which is more important to me... sleep, or temperature & sun regulation?
In the first post, I told you I didn't even really like running that much. It's the truth. I don't. I hate being hot, and sweating, and I hate being tired and feeling burned out. I hate the pain in my side, and the burning in my lungs. I don't live for that shit. That shit is not fun for me.
I was just looking at my schedule for tomorrow, and I realized I'll have to make a choice. Either I run after work, at around 2:30, when it is supposed to be quite a warm day. And I don't have a route with an abundance of shade.
Or, I get up at 4 am to run before work. After working until 10 pm the night before.
I hate the sun and I hate the heat.
I hate being tired and burned-out.
I haven't yet decided which one I'll pick, but I realized that the choice has to come between two things I hate.... or, it can come between two different physical challenges. I have to choose what I'm going to overcome, and what I think I can handle. I choose which is more important to me... sleep, or temperature & sun regulation?
First Post - The Trial & Errathon
6 months until the Rails to Trails Marathon!
Starting this Monday, May 4, I'm training for my first marathon ever.
I've only ever done a wee bit of running... the odd 5K, and some jogging about. I don't know anything about running, really. I don't even like running all that much.
I'm hoping to change that part of myself, or at least learn enough to run a marathon. I understand it's a lofty goal. The intent isn't really to do especially well, but is to see what I can do, and improve myself along the way.
I've got a plan. A 6-month plan.
Starting this Monday, May 4, I'm training for my first marathon ever.
I've only ever done a wee bit of running... the odd 5K, and some jogging about. I don't know anything about running, really. I don't even like running all that much.
I'm hoping to change that part of myself, or at least learn enough to run a marathon. I understand it's a lofty goal. The intent isn't really to do especially well, but is to see what I can do, and improve myself along the way.
I've got a plan. A 6-month plan.
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