Week 1 - A bit of Despair

The first week is over, the second week begins today.

I have a twinge in my brain that is thinking I have bitten off more than I can chew.

"You don't have to do this," I have reminded myself. "You don't have to run. You could do other things, and no one would ever know. You could spend your free time reading, or doing art, or developing your skills -- the skills you actually have. And enjoy."

Running is a skill I definitely do not have.

This is fucking difficult for me. I'm already torn between "I hate this and I suck at it so why am I insisting on torturing myself with it" and "I want to be fast and strong and finish this challenge".

I remember once, some girls and I were talking to a woman we knew who was a good runner. We were all just about to shuffle through a 5K, but this woman was going to run it and run it really fast.

She told us that when she started running, she hated it, and had to force herself to do it every time. And every time she did it, it sucked and she hated it. Until one day she didn't hate it (months and months and months later) and now running 10 miles is like taking a tiny walk for her, or whatever.

We all agreed, as she jogged off to the fast-people starting position, that she was bonkers. Why would you do that, if you hated it?

Why am I doing this, if I hate it? It's not for the adrenaline rush, because I'm not getting that.

I think...

If I didn't have to go out and run today, I would spend all morning on tumblr before work. I wouldn't work on my projects for school, I wouldn't do much productive. I would snack the whole time (I'm kind of shit at this Whole 30 thing too)

If I don't force myself, I won't do anything.