Week 1 - Changing attitudes

I was pretty happy to wake up today -- my third day of running -- at 7, and think to myself about how I could get my run in before I went to my internship, and meeting, and other stuff that's going on today.

I updated my running app to miles, and here's how it's shaking out:
Sunday: 40 minute run, at 12 min/mile
Tuesday: 33 minute run, at 11:22 min/mile
Wednesday: 26 minute run, at 10:48 min/mile

All things being equal, I would puff myself up about those numbers, but the sorry fact is, I keep crapping out before I hit my goal. I was supposed to run for 35 minutes on Tuesday, and 30 minutes today. I still have 30 minutes of cross-training yet to do today (Thanks, Jillian Michaels!) and I'd like to pretend that that makes up for being 4 minutes of running short, but it doesn't.

Every time I run, I find a pain in a new place on my legs. My lower back hurts every time, unless I adjust my posture to some weird sort of 19th century lady who was a board strapped to her back. So far, I've just powered through those feelings in my back ankle and behind my knee, and they've gone away. Is that the right way to deal with these things? Are those cramps? How do you tell when a pain is a bad pain versus just a pain?

Overall, I'm not feeling as murderous (or as murdered) by this running malarky as I expected. It's going to be a solid 6 weeks of this first leg of the schedule, so I have plenty of time to grow to hate it, I suppose.

Still, it's definitely an improvement in my overall condition and approach to life that when faced with something I don't necessarily want to do, I recognize that it's important to me, and that it contributes to my overall goal, and that completing that one action doesn't have to be as onerous as I'm maybe used to thinking. As I've been winding down (slogging through) my last semesters of school, I've found it hard to get direction and focus in my life... identifying goals became wistful dreaming, and nothing ever seemed to be accomplished long-term.

This running project isn't the first time I've set a goal like this, and it's not the first running goal I've had either. But it's the first time to go with a really solid plan, and to do it totally solo. Sometimes they say that you should share your goal with as many people as possible, so that people hold you accountable for it, but often, I find that they more I share and talk about stuff, the less time I spend actually doing it. That's me, you gotta find what works for you in the end.

Last November was the first time I completed NaNoWriMo. Last March was the first time I completed a 30-day workout regime without slacking or skipping. Right now I'm doing the Whole30 for the first time and I'm on day 10 AND I'M NOT QUITTING OR CHEATING even though I want a pizza like crazy. God DAMN I want a pizza.

But I won't eat the pizza, because I decided not to. And I will keep running, because I decided I would.

My choice makes all the power for me.